Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just had sex on a roof
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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