Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
