i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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