She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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