Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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