You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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