I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
