Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize