I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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