They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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