That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
