even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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