i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
