Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
