I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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