Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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