WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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