I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
