Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
