Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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