She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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