Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
