Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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