McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
