I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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