walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
