I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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