So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
