people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
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