It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
