Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
