Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
