All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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