I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize