I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
