maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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