btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
