Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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