I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
