You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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