Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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