I'm drive I can fine osifer
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
