I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize