First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
