Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
