Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
