He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
