Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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