I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
