I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
