you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
