Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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