There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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