I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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