i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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