..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
