fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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