What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Your penis caused this!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
