shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
