I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
