she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I have fence marks all over my body
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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