I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I touched a dick in church today
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
