were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
