dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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