so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
