When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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