just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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