I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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