Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Randomize
