3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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